Dealing with past hurts is difficult at the best of times, but what about when the healing needs to happen with someone that still plays an active part in your life?
Often time families, friendships, partners, children and colleagues can cause each other hurt, leaving massive emotional scars that still bear their mark many years after the initial impact.
Life seems to find a new balance, interactions and relationships continue but they are never quite the same again. Maybe this sounds like you?
It feels like you are living with toxic waste in your system and you desperately want to throw all that stuff in the toxic waste disposal of life!
You get that feeling deep down that someone wronged you and you cannot quite move on from it, that the pain of the unfinished business keeps re surfacing, dragging you back into the past and the place of that pain.
You know this might be the case when the case when you see and feel:
You can be triggered by things that might be connected to this person and the past event
( check out my blog about relationship triggers in the link)
You keep going over what you would really like to say to this person if you had the opportunity to “ have your say” without repercussions
You feel and sense a general connection to that past situation of person that seems to have you hooked, like it will not quite let you go
You often decide to say nothing to keep the peace but you know that inside your emotions and feelings are all over the place
It might feel like a no win situation for you because ultimately you might love this person, and it feels like its too late to drag all that stuff back up, and you don’t want to cause any pain to them
The people that I work with often start a session by saying something like this: “ I have this situation that I can’t move on from, I want to say my piece but I cant risk doing it, it will cause too much trouble”
I might ask them what they would say if they had the chance and it was safe for the to do it without any repercussions what so ever. Often time’s people hesitate and I get the feeling that they almost wouldn’t dare to let their true feelings and words out.
After a shaky start and a few “ ums” they find their groove and boy does it flow. They seem to unburden all those thoughts and feelings that have been buried so deeply for years and years. Sometimes there are tears, sometimes there is anger but always the end is the same.
When they are done, when they have let all that claggy and toxic waste out, they sigh (in a good way) they seem to have reached a palpable place of calmness, like all that stuff is now out. When I ask people how they feel they say they feel so much lighter, like something has shifted, they feel liberated.
People are often surprised that you can find ways to begin to heal past hurts without having to have a face-to-face stand off in the present moment.
The above example works because you get to safely feel and process the pain of that situation without causing a massive implosion in our life, you get to unpack what you still harbour and more importantly you get to face and hear those words that you would really have loved to have said out loud all those years ago.
To build on this practice of “ having your say” I often recommend a technique by Louise Hay to my clients. It goes a little something like this:
Imagine in your minds eye that you are in a theatre, see the rows of chairs and know that you are totally safe here. Notice the stage in front of you, relax into the chair and know that you can call to mind a person who has caused you harm.
Allow this person's image to appear in front of you on the stage, know that they cannot harm you, they cannot move from the stage. They are unthreatening as they stand in front of you.
Now imagine that you can stand up, you can shout, yell, scream berate and air everything you have to at this person.
Tell them exactly how things went down and what it was like for you. See them react to this in a way that lets you know that they really hear you. Maybe you see them look remorseful, understanding, apologetic, maybe they even look scared that you are shouting at them.
See them get a taste of their own medicine if you have to, but direct everything you have got at that stage and directly at them.
And when you have no more shout left in you, and when they have suffered enough at your anger and resentment, see them disappear in a bubble of golden light.
Take a couple of grounding deep breaths and open your eyes.
This technique can be used over and over again, the other person will never know, nor will they have any adverse effects from it.
This is your healing and your process of letting out those things that have been holding you back for so long.
This is just one of my favourite " toxic waste disposal techniques" that whenever I use it, it always seems to bring me a sense of inner peace without the guilt of having upset someone or dragging things up.
If you try this I would love to know how you get on, or if you need some extra back up, you can book a 1-1 session by hitting the book a session button at the top of the screen.
Take care for now and happy healing.
Love Emma x
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